Prison Visit
posted by Bunnery on Tue 19th Sep, 06 at 21:59:45
"I be happy t' show me Ahoy!port for pirates everywhere and invite them all t' a tankard o' grog"
erm......... Happy Talk like a Pirate Day :)
Well - it has been quite an interesting day. Well at least it has been one that doesn't consist of watching "To Buy or not to Buy" or City Hospital or Bargain Hunt or Cash in the Attic.(Don't even get me started on Countdown - Des Lynham is enough to send the most hardened insomniac into narcolepsy )
Today I went to prison!!
Yeah - they finally caught up with me for that incident with the..... ahem actually no - it was just a visit. As I have an interview next week for a job in prison libraries - the nice lady in Stafford prison thought it would be a good idea to visit one beforehand to see if I liked it. So off I went to the local Young Offenders Institution to see what it was like.
I had noticed that the name of the place had been changed to "College" and it seems that they now refer to their inmates as "trainees" - but it was still surrounded by barbed wire, high walls and CCTV cameras.
I ventured inside the gatehouse - with the photo ID that I'd been asked to bring along. That formality over I was shown a sign that warned me that if I was bringing any drugs inside - I could end up inside myself. I wondered if the Strepsills in my handbag counted as drugs...but kept quiet about them.
They then asked me to hand over my moblie phone and any chewing gum I may have. I did happen to have a pack - so they were taken away and locked up. I didn't really know why the chewing gum was taken - until the librarian in there told me that it wasn't allowed for the same reason that blue tack wasn't - they could be used to take impressions of keys with! ingenious - I hadn't thought of that. I'm obviously not a criminal mastermind!!
I was then escorted though various corridors - each one had huge metal gates that had to be unlocked and then locked again behind us as we progressed to the library.
It was a small glass-fronted room and I was quite surprised by the books - they seemed to be aimed at a very much younger age group than were actually in there - but it was explained to me that the average reading age is 5-11. There was a pretty good selection of fiction though - and lots of sci-fi. many graphic novels too, which are becoming popular in mainstream school libraries as well. They are allowed to order books too - if they are not in stock - although the True Crime books are restricted - and the requests for books on the Cray Twins are always turned down!
They had magazines and audio cds too. Seems that trainees can earn privileges for good behaviour - like cd players and tvs in their cells. If they are very good they are allowed to wear their own clothes instead of the blue sweatshirts and grey tracksuit bottoms they all sport. I only saw one wearing anything different though.
The group in the library seemed good humoured and well-behaved enough. One had music on a little loud - but it didn't seem much different from the students we used to get in the-library. The Librarian said that if a fight broke out there was a panic button on the wall and six guards would come almost immediately. Seems she's only had 4 fights since she's been there!! She hasn't done a year yet though!
I got taken through the workshops and saw others building brick walls and learning tiling and vehicle maintenance. Seems there is a lot of emphasis on education - as many trainees are still of compulsory school age.
Seems you get training in security when you start - and how to react if you are confronted or grabbed by the inmates. The librarian didn't seemed phased by any of this though - and she seemed to like most of "the lads" as she called them. Many are in for crimes such as graffitti or shoplifting. Although she did warn me that they did have 2 murderers and a rapist (whom she claimed was charming) - but you do get warned about them - no-one ever comes in without a guard.
I think I could cope with that. I am not sure how I would feel in an adult prison though and the thought of the female one scares me even more :-)- we'll have to see how the interview goes next Friday.
In the meantime I have a trip to the South Coast to look forward to this weekend - for a family wedding.
The pirate speaks,"Goodnight and may your ship never sprin' a leak"
Reactfast?? - don't make me laugh!
posted by Bunnery on Wed 6th Sep, 06 at 17:39:35
Hope you don't mind if I have a bit of a rant here - no-one else wants to listen so I'm afraid you have no choice!!
We could rename this blog WatchDog for a while if you like :-)
Well, it all started the Bank Holiday weekend when I got up to run a bath and the water was all cold. That was strange as I'd been happily lazing in bed listening to the hot water tank burbling and gurgling like it does every morning between 6.13- 8.23am every day. (Yeah I know - strange times but we never learnt how to work the timer-thing properly) Anyway - the pump had been pumping but the boiler hadn't been boiling. On closer examination it told us that it was LOCKED OUT. No matter how many times we tried to relight its fire - it wasn't having any of it.
Consulting the manual did not help - so we shivered through the arctic (or is that artic??) Bank Holday until it was over and we could ring an engineer without having to pay out what would amount to the GNP of a small country.
We chose Reactfast because they promised to come out within the hour! Well, it was a few hours - but they did come out, said "It's yer fan, mate" and departed with a cheque for £112. They had promised to order one and return within a day or two.
Naturally a day or two went by and nothing was heard. Upon enquiring we were told that the part hadn't come so it would be another couple of days as it was far, far away in Leamington Spa. Erm.... never heard of post?? Couriers? Seems the engineer would pick it up on his way to our house to fit it on the very next Friday. Perhaps they like riding in those big artics (Arctics?)
Friday came and went - no sign of engineer or elusive part. We had to phone again to find out more - seems it would definitely be Monday or Tuesday...phoned Monday - definitely Tuesday, phoned Tuesday - seems part had escaped from Leamington Spa and gone walkabout, no-one knew where.
By this time certain parties were tearing their hair out - so we rang the Boiler manufacturer to inquire about the rarity of such parts - they assured us they had many available immediately - but only to merchants. Rang ReactFast they asked for the phone number!!! Told their merchants - then (eventually) called back to report that there only existed one fan in the entire UK and it was currently living happliy in Southampton. We would have to wait until next Friday.
No heating, no hot water....
We tried to cancel the order and resolved to get someone competant on the job - but we were told that would be subject to £100 Job Cancelling Fee.
So keep your fingers crossed that the part and the engineer manage to be united on Friday and repair the blooming thing.
Or you could be seeing this story again when we sent it to Fiona Bruce.. (or is she Crimewatch???)
Extreme weekends
posted by Bunnery on Sun 20th Aug, 06 at 14:28:41
I don't know if it is a barometer of how boring life is at Head Office but most staff seem to have a death wish at weekends. So far I've been told that a respectable mature lady from Finance is off rally driving this weekend, my deskmate - a head-masterly looking chap - is piloting a helicopter and the bloke with the loud cough from Quality is running across a few mountains in Europe.
Also you can't move in the kitchen for sponsorship forms, as it seems the rest of the staff want to throw themselves out of airplanes or off bridges at any available opportunity.
Blimey - when they asked me what I was doing at the weekend I told them I might attempt a trip to Sainsburys (when it's busy!) and top that off with a spot of ironing later in the day. I can see now why they didn't look impressed!
Hmmm - I've heard that there is a dangerous sport called Extreme Ironing - maybe I should go and check that out.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch no-one seems to be interested in visiting our house - never mind actually buying it! It was in the local paper this week - and it is on the website - but most people seem to be on holiday or something.Still - I'm not too worried. Haven't found anywhere I actually want to move to yet. I wonder if there are any desirable properties near Everest base camp?
Right - am off to do a spot of chicken-wrestling in the kitchen....... wish me luck (or if you would like to sponsor me for this event - you can get in touch [long word]
On yer bike
posted by Bunnery on Mon 14th Aug, 06 at 21:41:05
Had a bit of a shock - I got a letter at weekend from the council saying that my new employers had told them that I had left their employment - so what did I want to do with my pension?? I was a litle concerned. as it was the first I'd heard of it! - so asked my boss this morning. She just looked at the rest of the team - and said "Didn't you tell her?" They said they didn't like to!! Nice! Seems that there'd been a mix up as the EEE had issued me with 2 P45s (having made a complete mess of my final salary) and this had flummoxed the pension people. Seems I am still employed after all! Hurrah (I think....)
Anyway I am looking forward to our team awayday - since we have decided to go cycling on the local Chase. I haven't actually been on a bike for a few years - but they say that you never forget how to ride one..... we just have to do a Risk Assessment before we go!!
Anyway - the morning will be taken up with a team exercise to come up with a novel way of letting the rest of the company know "what the marketing team can do for them". In the pub - erm I mean - over a working lunch the other day we came up with the brilliant idea of having one of those things kids make - a Catcher I think - where you choose colours and numbers and eventually lift up the flap to find an answer. (There's a PxC puzzle very similar) We could have all the things we do and services we provide on the top layers - and our names underneath. Well - it could work. We just have to work out the finer details!!
SB was back today from her holidays. She's been somewhere looking after her parents sheep. I think 3 died last time she did it - but all seemed well this time. [long word]
Away Day
posted by Bunnery on Sun 6th Aug, 06 at 17:21:52
We've got to come up with ideas for an Away Day Team-Bonding type activity soon. I suggested that we convene the meeting at a local pub for a preliminary informal brainstorm. That seemed to meet with approval - things are looking up! They confided to me that pub lunches used to be a regular feature of life until SB arrived a year ago. Shame - it is nice to get out of the oppressive atmosphere of HO and relax a little. We came up with some great ideas too!
After mentioning several rather extreme sports solutions I think we settled on something we all fancy - cycling!! Some of us haven't done it in ages - but we all thought it would be fun. First we have to do a little work - and I even managed to get a bit of PUZZLING on the agenda as a team-building co-operation kind of exercise. I can bring along my spare PxC cards and get them all hooked!! (maybe)
On the home front - we had our first prospective buyers round the house yesterday. All the way from Buckinghamshire they are looking to relocate to rural Staffordshire. They loved the garden and the kitchen - and seemed to approve of the bedrooms - number and size - as they would be having various grandchildren here to stay. Seems they had been up here for 3 days and had seen over 15 houses - so they have to make a decision pretty soon as they have just sold theirs.
We'll have to wait and see if an offer is forthcoming.
Meanwhile, I have to go and have a look at the Mind Candy staff photos - I have a card to solve....
Have a good week y'all [long word]
Crumbs!
posted by Bunnery on Thu 3rd Aug, 06 at 20:35:25
Well, I just had to bite the bullet today and clean out my keyboard (if you have a squeamish disposition you may want to go off and check out the bargains at Amazon.co.uk or something right now..) Armed with some anti-bacterial wipes (purchased from my local branch of Germs R Us) I had to tackle the grunge lurking beneath my keys. It was a dirty job - but someone had to do it. Well, just me really as I had to look at the disgusting mess everyday.
I levered off some of the keys with a pencil and used a jumbo paperclip to get in the spaces between them. It was horrible - first I had just turned the thing upside down and tapped it a few times - this produced a cascade of crumbs and other larger debris all over the desk. There was dust and hairs (all dark none of mine) and even a dead bug.
I think I got most of it by the end - and managed to get most of the keys back on. Just the P and Y seem to be missing - but who's going to notice that? :-) I'm sure I'll be able to*roduce *ublications that don't include those ver* letters. I will look on it as a challenge. I'm sure someone once wrote a novel without using the letter E - so how hard can it be?
Well - that was the highlight of the day. I did get bored this afternoon and start to read an online web encyclopedia. I know all there is to know about 64-bit architecture. Go on - ask me something!
Sumo
posted by Bunnery on Wed 26th Jul, 06 at 20:40:48
Evening! Way too hot to try to sleep or anything else - so I thought I would blog for a little while until the sun goes down and I can get cool.
Well - the first 1 Month Review passed without incident and it seems they'll keep me a bit longer - until someone better comes along. Still helping out with the Urgent Publication - checking and rechecking every little detail. I did rather disgrace myself by finding a glaring mistake - unfortunately it was in last year's version and the person who had passed it was the one I was sniggering about it to. Ooops - still I think I managed to get away with it. They went to see the printers today - seems that there is a certain way of dealing with printers - and very soon Scary Boss has promised to let me into the secret too.
Today was pretty dull - although I did have one surprise - one of the IT Guys was seen away from his basement - and he actually spoke to me. Not just "Hi! "- but "Hi - how is it going??"
Wow! I don't know if it was Chris or Not-Chris - but it is the one who looks a bit like a Hawaiian sumo wrestler. I had e-mailed them last week begging to be allowed to access to Amazon (Access Denied as it is an "obvious shopping website)- just for looking up book details. They had responded by letting my boss know what I had dared to ask for. She refused on the grounds that she was "protecting me" Hmmm - Amazon could corrupt me and steal my soul... usually it just takes all my [long word]
Accepted
posted by Bunnery on Sun 23rd Jul, 06 at 13:51:32
Wow - I feel really accepted at my new place - I've just been invited to my first Leaving Do!! In a couple of weeks time. As you may know, leaving dos were a weekly occurrence back at the-library, but this one is the first I've heard of at JOINTZ. Seems that the person is question is not leaving because she wants to - or that she's been sacked for gross misconduct (despite being on the NEXT website everytime I pass her desk!)- it was just that her contract ran out.
Seems she'd been hired to revamp the intranet - and now that she has - she is off.
The consensus of "The Team" is that we should all go and it will help us to bond. I know Scary Boss has some plans to take us all off on some team-building day soon (probably involving something painful like Paint-balling or falling off a mountain)- but this sounds much better to me. Drinks and Chinese seems to be the accepted form for these occasions. How strange not to be going for a curry!!
Luckily I will not be drinking - as I have to drive home - so I won't be disgracing myself just yet. :)
They can cling to the illusion that I'm a shy quiet librarian for a little while [long word]
Too hot to write - much
posted by Bunnery on Wed 19th Jul, 06 at 20:53:18
What a caring organisation I work for. We had a lengthy e-mail circulated (from our Estates Manager) on how to keep cool. We do have Air Con - but it is struggling to cope.
One of the suggestions was to switch all the lights off in the office. We actually tried this today. It was strange - but it did actually work and made the place a bit cooler. It just looked like there was no-one in and we'd all gone home. I'm sure it is really much better for you to work in natural light - and of course everyone's computer screens lit the way to my desk if I ventured out to the kitchen or loo.
Then this afternoon our Cheif Exec bought us all choc ices and ice lollies. I had a very tasty Marks and Spencer Strawberry and Cream one - it was very refreshing. I don't remember THE GHOST or the TRAFFIC WARDEN ever doing this kind of thing...
Another suggestion was to wear loose clothing - while still adhering to the Dress Code. I'm never sure - is it better to wear white - to reflect the sun - or black (which they seem to wear in hot countries) to circulate the hot air?
I may have to experiment... hopefully it won't go wrong like when I tried to see if it was hot enough to fry an egg on my car (It wasn't)
Back when it cools down.... maybe [long word]
Exciting visit
posted by Bunnery on Sun 16th Jul, 06 at 22:10:44
Well, so far so good - I've got Week 4 done and dusted and they still haven't sacked me yet. Mind you I still have my "One Month Review" to attend - which will be closely followed by the 3 Month Review then the dreaded 6 Month Review where they decide if they are going to keep you or not.
I have a reminder on my Calendar bit of Outlook - and have to make sure I complete all the paperwork before going in. It is all very formal..
Mind you everything is like that. My assistant, let's call her Sarah, even sends me an Invitation to a Meeting when she just wants to talk to me about something. I see the Location: Sarah's Desk, Time: 2pm, Purpose: to look at online ordering. Do I Wish To Accept the Invitation?
Her desk is attached to mine!! I don't even have to move my chair!! Crazy world - no wonder it is taking some time to adjust to this...
But hey - I made another visit this week. I went all the way into town (112 yards) and visited the local JOINTZ Centre. The two people who were looking after the library were both new to it and actually seemed to know less than me! Result!! I could talk knowledgeably about Hints and other resources - and they just believed me. They both seemed really nice actually although the female half of the duo kept enthusing about "Bad Lads Army - Extreme" which is her favourite TV programme ever apparently. Better not upset her then - she might have me running across the Chase in full military gear and backpack...
I wonder what the coming week will bring?
I did return to the-library once more on Friday - well not to the-library itself - the pub across the road. One of the EEE's more colourful characters was leaving - and having a bit of a do. She was one of the founding members of the Book Group and she did come to my do (and even brought me a present) - so I couldn't say no. She got very,very drunk - and loud - but it was fun. Although I have to say that there were a few glum faces around. Seems it was the last day of term and they hadn't even had a Staff Buffet.
What is the world coming to?
